


You Always Fail The Ones You Love

by oursolemnhour49



Series: Domesticity in Monstrous Worlds [2]
Category: Sleepy Hollow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Conversations, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Spoilers, pre-romance if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-21
Updated: 2013-10-21
Packaged: 2017-12-30 02:28:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1012961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oursolemnhour49/pseuds/oursolemnhour49
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Guilt and anger never blend well together. For Abbie the mixture is foul beyond belief- not to mention volatile. One-shot, spoilers for "The Lesser Key of Solomon."</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Always Fail The Ones You Love

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this show has done to me, but I think I like it. There's Ichabod/Abbie if you're looking for it, straightforward caring between friends if you aren't. Whatever floats your boat. Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> If I owned Sleepy Hollow, we'd know more about Captain Irving.

“Miss Mills?”

Abbie raised her head. The candles on her desk spread shadows all across the church basement, and they reminded Abbie a little too much of the flaming altar she had faced not two days ago. Crane was sitting at one of the other tables, an older desk well suited to his tattered clothing. He was watching her warily. 

“What is it?” she asked. 

“You haven’t turned a page for the last fifteen minutes and you’ve been staring at the book for almost as long. Either you’ve found something of importance to Moloch, or you have something on your mind.”

Abbie leaned back in her chair and rubbed her sore neck to avoid his gaze. “I just spaced out. I’ll get through this…” she flipped a few pages, “this chapter tonight. But then I’ve got to go home.” 

She could feel Crane watching her as she lowered her head over the book again. There was no point in explaining her distraction, since she was not sure she had the words. If it had been fear, she would have had no trouble. Fear was a rational response, given what she had seen in the past few hours. Fear was a wretched feeling, but it could be traced. She understood fear.

Guilt was another matter. Fury at the person who caused the guilt was harder. Disgust with herself overlaid it all. 

With a deep breath, she forced herself to focus. Across the room she heard Crane stir. “Miss Mills…”

“Crane, I’m tired and I have to finish this so I can take you back to the motel and go home.”

He took the hint and fell silent, though huffy indignation radiated from his corner of the basement. She ignored that too. The words on the page were the only thing to worry about now. Not the man in the corner, not the candles, not the recent events. Just the words and their meaning, and where they lead to the turning of the page. 

They led nowhere. There was nothing in this particular chapter of religious instruction that mentioned the demon Moloch, nor was there anything on how to get rid of or bind a demon, which in Abbie’s opinion might have been more useful. She closed the book and grabbed her jacket. “Crane, come on. It’s 10:30.” 

“I can continue my studies here.” 

Abbie gave him a withering look. “If you think I’m leaving you unattended here to wander off while the beheadings are still unsolved, your head is more messed up than usual.”

His shoulders stiffened a little. “I thought the murders had been solved. We know who beheaded those men and we know mostly why. Unless you’ve become so overwhelmed you need a review of events and their explanation?”

There was more bite to his tone than usual and Abbie felt a surge of rage. “If you want to stay here, I can arrange that.” She whipped out her handcuffs. “Hope you like sleeping with your back to the radiator.”

They glared at each other for a moment before Crane finally rose and stalked toward the door. He seized the book she had been reading as he passed her desk. “I do hope I have your permission to take this with me for further study,” he snapped. 

“Knock yourself out.” She considered adding “literally,” but managed to hold herself back. There was enough venom between them tonight, no need to add more for the car ride back. 

Every stop light on the way back to the motel was red, and each stop made her long for solitude. She took deep breaths and concentrated on the road slipping by. 

“Miss Mills!” 

Crane’s voice was urgent and she shook herself. “What?”

“I believe we missed the turn for the motel. I tried to- well, you seemed lost in thought.”

Abbie hit the brakes and sighed. He was right; she had almost gotten to the end of the road altogether. “Right. Sorry.” Only after they were headed in the right direction could she bring herself to speak again. “Thanks for telling me.” 

“Of course.” 

Abbie began to wonder if she should apologize for the words in the church. Her crack about his head had been nastier than he deserved. She still felt stung by his response, but ultimately she had begun the verbal sparring and shifting the blame to him would hardly help matters. 

So when she pulled into the parking lot, she spoke up quickly. “Look- I’m sorry. I’ve been on edge lately, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

There was a click as Crane unlocked his seatbelt buckle, but he made no move to get of the car. For once he seemed at a loss for words. That alone was enough to make Abbie look at him. He was staring studiously at his book and looked as if he was trying to disappear into his coat collar. She smiled a little at that. Just a little. “We good?” she asked.

He sat up a little straighter. “Yes. And I too should apologize. My remark about you was unkind- you are one of the more competent officials I have known, and I should not have called your work ethic into question. Especially after what you have told me about how you came to be in this profession.”

Abbie exhaled slowly. Crane’s perception was unnerving when turned in her direction. “It’s okay. Like I said, it’s been a stressful couple of days.”

“You mean your sister.” 

She turned to him but was prevented from speaking by the sharp lump that had risen in her throat. Instead, she got out of the car and walked away. Behind her she could hear Crane exit the vehicle, but he had the good sense not to come after her. When she finally forced down the tears that threatened and turned around, he had not moved from his side of the car.

She took a shuddering breath. “Yes,” she said flatly. “Yes, I mean my sister.”

“I…I understand that there is animosity between you, but I do not believe she hates you. I think she may come to forgive you in time, if…”

“I know that. Or rather, I do think she might be able to forgive me. Maybe months or years from now, but it might happen. She’s not the one whose forgiveness I’m worried about.”

He looked utterly bewildered. Abbie wished she could snatch the words back, but there was no way to leave him now without total confusion. “What the hell,” she whispered. “Look, basically- Jenny is the one you should be talking to about this Moloch stuff. She knows about it, she knows how to fight it. And unlike me, she’s actually strong enough to do it.”

“Miss Mills, everything I have seen of you both indicates that you have an equal strength to your sister. You are both suited for this fight, your strengths...”

“Don’t bullshit me, Crane.” He blinked, and she walked back toward the car and leaned against the driver’s door. “My sister has the integrity I don’t have. You saw it. She fights for what she believes in. I don’t even have anything to believe in, let alone fight for. She stays strong. I caved. And I kept lying to myself about it. I kept telling myself I hadn’t seen what I did.That Jenny going into institutions would help her. I refused to admit what I’d done. Jenny might have considered lying then. But she wouldn’t lie to herself and she wouldn’t have hidden from what she did.”

Crane seemed truly at a loss for words then, and Abbie suddenly could not bear to look at him. “What would you know of that, though?” she demanded bitterly. “You’ve always had a goal, you’re convinced of the good of your quest.”

The only sound in the parking lot was the hum of the motel sign. Abbie concentrated on the cool metal of the car and tried not to think about Jenny. She tried not to remember the choices that had hovered as if on edge and how wrongly she had chosen each time. 

Finally she raised her head. Crane seemed to be thinking hard. With a pang, Abbie remembered that he was still struggling with the everyday, and wondered what it was like for someone to feel more at home with headless horsemen and strange artifacts than in the real world. “Hey,” she said at last. “You okay?”

“Miss Mills,” he said after a long pause, “there’s very little in this world that I find ‘okay,’ as you term things of a favorable nature. But believe me when I say that you are one of them, and that I think there could not be anyone better for what we have to face than you.”

Abbie said nothing. 

“I mean it,” he said earnestly. “Your weakness then has no bearing upon your strength now.”

“It’s not a case of weakness then, Crane, it’s a case of weakness now. I haven’t changed substantially. I’m not a better person just because I’m suddenly fighting demons.”

“No, perhaps not. However I refuse to believe that because of a moment of weakness you are therefore not a good person. The fact that you cope with what is before you- that alone is more than many can do. Your flaws do not negate your virtues.”

“Maybe, but proportionally they’ve got a bit of an edge.” 

“And yet, you continue on. As do I.” He seemed to sense skepticism in her face. “You think that I’m unaware of the number of times I make a fool of myself here? Or of the fact that the woman I married is trapped and that I am completely powerless to help her?” He quickly turned away. “I’ve failed her. I may fail her yet again. And yet we have to keep going. There’s nothing else to do. Even when we fail.”

He sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as her, and it was somehow sad to hear. A faint rumble of thunder could be heard in the distance and Abie swore to herself that if that heralded a demon, it could damn well wait until she’d slept. On the other side of the car, Crane straightened. 

“Failure is bound to happen,” he murmured, mostly to himself it seemed to Abbie. “Especially with those we love. There’s more at stake then, and they rely on us. I suppose the only good thing about that is that they’re more likely to forgive when we fail.”

Another rumble of thunder came and a few drops of rain pattered around them. 

Crane immediately took a step to the motel.

“Wait!” Abbie reached into the car and picked something up from the passenger seat before going around to Crane’s side of the car. “Here” 

She handed him the book and caught his arm as he was about to head up to the hotel. “And hey. After we deal with this, we will get your wife out of wherever she is. And then you can see the country. Or try every kind of donut hole Dunkin’ Donuts has. There’ll be something after this for you. Trust me. This isn’t it.”

He nodded and she slid her hand off his arm. “Thank you. And I do. Trust you, that is.”

She smiled. “Glad to hear it. And again, I’m sorry for what I said back there.”

Rain began to come down in earnest. Crane shoved the coat under his book and moved to his door. “As am I,” he called back. “Chalk it up to human failure, Miss Mills.”

She ducked into the car and pulled the door shut. But a few minutes passed before she started the engine. 

“Human failure,” she murmured. “Okay, Crane. I’ll do that.”


End file.
